Violated
by deadxromantic
Summary: It used to all be okay, I had no problems with myself. Until i made one mistake. I tried to say no I yelled, I screamed, i couldn't stop him. He was too strong... And now, everything i ever knew is damaged by my past. [[SK]]


**Ohkay. Its been a long time! I actually, gave up on Then I saw a Lifetime movie a few weeks ago and got the PERFECT idea for a KH fanfic. So Yesh, now I am here. Yup. Hope you like. Italics is either dream or thought..**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Kingdom Hearts or Disney…duh.**

**Violated**. Chapter 1: Regrets

_Why. Why can't I just wake up and have time rush back a year? Why did I have to go to that party? They told me not to go. But, I didn't listen. And, now I realize, they really did care about me. They just wanted me to be safe. I can remember almost every detail about it. The Time. What I was wearing. What he was wearing. And the force I had in my voice when I begged for safety. _

_XXX _

Yes, I know. I have changed a lot. But wouldn't you? I'm a lot more conservative now. I rarely speak in school, my grades have fallen at least 40, I have no friends, and I have nightmares every night about my past. Last year, I would have been stoked about beginning high school, but now I am frightened beyond belief. I know he's going to be there. **Him. **He did this to me. I tried to stop him, but he just pushed me harder. That night, he took away my pride. God really does screw us all…

I crossed my arms and took a deep breath as I entered the door. Yeah, even if I wasn't nervous, nothing would've mattered. I couldn't have ever survived with him. **Him**. Yes what if it happens again…What will I say to him? But my past was what worried me the most. What if he came back to haunt me… What if…

I was wearing all black. Well, mostly. A black tank top, under a black _My Chemical Romance _band hoodie. I had ripped jeans and my eyes were black. Yes; if you knew me last year, I'm quite different. After the incident, I'll never be the same. "Welcome to River-Falls High" the queer eyed man greeted. I nodded my head and walked towards an empty desk in the back. I supposed I was the last one to be seated. I watched as the little snobs gave hugs and the gangsters patted backs. I never could fit in with this mess. But, I just sat there, with my arms still crossed. Staring, Thinking. A few minutes later, I got out a blank notebook and a pencil and I began to write..

_Dark skies follow me to and fro _

_Pain is my only sense of relief _

_A hollow hole in my heart where you used to be _

_The only way to get through it is to cover it up with this _

_Lightning crackles and I laugh in fear _

_Double doses stain my previously glossy eyes _

_Forgotten Places; Missing Faces _

_It all seems so wrong _

_So I'll stab you with a needle and string you like a bead _

_And then you'll know what it is like to be me _

_No matter how many stains you put into my past _

_Or how ever many times you try to bring me back _

_It'll never work, _

_And I'll still be your same _

**_Broken Hearted Violation _**

_Yeah, I guess people don't like me because I don't like myself. And I can't build up the nerves to tell anyone anything. All I can ever do is cry. _

By the end of the day, I guess school wasn't that bad. Riku was nowhere to be found, and I wasn't having any new problems, yet. My last class of the day was Science. Mr. Leonheart paired me up with another loner boy. He kinda reminded me of myself, just in a boy form. I think his name is Sora…

_XXX _

_I remember, his eyes were filled with fury and his darkened shirt blended in with the dark moonlit sky. I really thought I could trust him. His cologne smelled of Old Spice. It was nice, memorizing… He took a look at me in a seductive way. I smiled back, unaware. He opened his jeep door and led me in. I sat. He instantly began to passionately kiss me. I didn't complain. He was wonderful, truthfully. I thought it would be the best thing I've ever experienced. He pushed his arm up my dress. That's when he began to go too far. _

_"Stop" it was hot. And he was strong. I couldn't push him off of me. _

_"Riku, Stop!" I panted, I screamed." I tried with all my power to get him off of me. I was just too tired…too tired. I shook with fear. _

"Kari, Kairi. Wake up!" I heard a voice whisper. "Huh?" it was Sora. I shook my head .

"Sorry...nightmare" he told me he didn't want me in trouble. He was the first person to ever care about my state of behavior. I thanked him. _It happened again. My life will forever be damaged. And I can't even tell anyone what happened. Well, at least Sora's my friend. He's pretty cool. _ The bell rang and Sora and I walked to the buses together. As I crossed the parking lot, my body stung with fear. It was him. Riku. Riku was here. Right in front of me. I stared at him and he glared back.

"Well, Well" Riku smirked. I looked at Sora. Tears were streaming down my face. He had to have figured out something was wrong.

"Leave her alone." Sora backed me up. _Thank God for him, Thank you God._ As Sora and I reached home, he finally brought back up Riku. "What was that all about?"

"Riku…" I paused. "Oh. Nothing..." I blushed. I couldn't tell him yet. My parents didn't even know. Why would I tell someone I've only known for 3 weeks?

_XXX _

"Mom, I'm home" I went straight to the stairs and up to my room. I slammed the door and I walked into my closet. I took the nearest coat sleeve and screamed into it as loud as I could into it. It was my way to relieve my feelings without anyone knowing. **I knew, **Something was wrong with me. _Screaming; louder and louder _I couldn't take it anymore. I was broken. I slid to the ground and broke down. Tears bursting from my eyes, every half second. I clenched my eyes shut and put my head into my knees

"Why Me…" I whispered, bawling. "Why Me…"

_Shivering, I tried to end his actions. I did everything I could to stop him. He would not let go. I bit, I scratched, and I kicked. He just went harder. Instantly, I realized it. I was raped. Raped by someone I hardly even knew. I could hear him laughing deeply. He took my face and tilted it slightly towards his mouth. "Tell one soul and you're dead." I bit my lip. _

_"Riku…" my eyes poured. "Why" I tried _

_"GET OUT" he pushed my head and I stumbled out of the car. I guess all I really could do then was run. I just wanted to go home. So, I ran… _

I jerked forward and felt something hit my forehead very hard. "Ow…" I moaned. It was far past nightfall when I finally arose from my closet and downstairs to eat dinner. My parents greeted me and I nodded softly. I plotted a spoonful of corn onto my plate and sat down.

"How's School…"

"Okay" It was hard for me to communicate with them anymore. So I just went along eating and asked to be excused when I was finished. I walked back upstairs and to my bathroom, once I was done and forcefully tried to remove my armful of jelly bracelets. Once removed, I took a deep breath and turned on the shower. Instantly, steam began to fog up the mirror. I removed my clothes and got in. _I wanted control badly. And I knew the one way to gain it. _

I picked up the razor from the soap holder and gently placed it centimeters above my right wrist. I closed my eyes and scrapped it across, near my vein. I loved the feeling, the tingle, when the blood appeared. I watched it trickle down my forearm and wash away in the opened drain. I clenched my eyes as the water pounded onto the newly formed scar. It was a relief. It gave me power. Power to control my pain, by causing physical pain on myself, but I wanted more power. I clenched the razor and tore the bare skin on my right forearm. It stung way more this time. Weak, I dropped the razor to the newly puddle floor. I groaned in pain. The scarlet red blood oozed from my albino white arm. It was different. Still dripping, I put a towel around myself and ran into my room. I watched the drops of blood stain my snow white carpet. _I couldn't stop the bleeding_. I wrapped a maroon pillowcase around my arm. Slowly, it began to stop flowing. Eventually, it halted completely. I took a look at my arm. The scar was about 4 inches long. It felt good, I felt complete.

****

**_Finally, I had a hobby… _**


End file.
